Realistic Optimism

🌟Optimism🌟

The Real, The Raw, and The Ridiculously Misunderstood

Optimism is one of those words we throw around like glitter at a kindergarten art table—shiny, cheerful, and sticking to everything whether you want it to or not.

But what is optimism, really?

• Hopeful?

• Confident about the future?

• The classic “glass half full”?

• Cheerfully defiant in the face of a dumpster fire?

• A belief that progress is happening, even if it’s at the pace is excruciatingly slow?

• Resilience? Buoyancy?

• Or just a positive attitude with a thread of stubbornness woven in?

Maybe it’s all of the above. But I needed more. I spent decades working with kids whose lives were steeped in trauma—the kind that a motivational poster and quote can’t touch. And oh, I tried to fix it all. Fourteen-hour days? Check. Hosting students in our home? Yep. Starting community programs and initiatives? Absolutely.

And yet… things didn’t get “fixed”. Which left me discouraged, overwhelmed, and a pessimist - occasionally kicking over my already half-empty glass.

It wasn’t until I stumbled across Martin Seligman’s work that helped me see a gentle light. At least it gave me enough light to quit knocking over my half-empty glass.

His research helped me see optimism not as naïveté or blind cheerfulness, but as a skill. Something that can be learned, practiced, and pulled out of your emotional backpack right when you need it most.

Let’s Get Real About Optimism

Optimism can be:

• Overused

• Oversimplified

• And to be honest—annoying when weaponized to judge another

But realistic optimism?

• It’s practical.

• It’s motivating.

• It’s the bridge between hope and hustle.
  

Pessimism, on the other hand…

• Is a blueprint for learned helplessness.

• Hands you a whole list of reasons not to even try.

• Leads to unhappiness.

• Makes the situation even worse - kicking over the half-empty glass and blame gravity.
  

The Game-Changer: “Learned Optimism” by Martin E.P. Seligman

Seligman offers us something better than a smile and carry-on attitude. He shows us how to retrain our brains from over thinking and worrying to actual problem solving. I call it the, “I believe my actions will make a difference.” Enough hope to discover actionable movement.  

The basics:

• Optimists see negative events as temporary, specific, and external.
  

• Pessimists see them as permanent, pervasive, and personal.

  We move from labeling people to labeling approaches. We all carry both optimism and pessimism; the trick is choosing the right one for the moment.

So How Do We Cultivate Realistic Optimism?

1. Notice Your Explanatory Style

   • What’s your inner dialogue saying about this rough patch?
     

2. Challenge the Pessimism

• Is this really going to last forever?

• Have there been moments when it didn’t go wrong?

• What would your wiser, less panicked self say?
  

3. Reframe It

   • See this moment as specific (not everything is falling apart), temporary (this too shall pass), and external (it’s not all on you).
     

4. Practice Gratitude

   • Even if it’s just, “I’m grateful for this coffee.” Or “I was able to pause a minute and take a breath, before responding to a ridiculous comment or email.” Count it.
     

5. Talk to Yourself Like You’d Talk to a Friend

   • You wouldn’t tell your friend they’re a total disaster and everything’s ruined. So don’t do that to yourself either.

Your Choice

One path sounds like:

• “This is all my fault.”

• “Nothing will ever change.”

• “Everything’s a mess and so am I.”
  

And the other path whispers:

• “This moment is hard, but it’s just one moment.”

• “This isn’t personal.”

• “We can figure this out.”

  You choose which road to take, every single day. No judgement. Just awareness.

Like any other life skill, realistic optimism needs practice. Think of it like brushing your teeth—you don’t wait until you have a cavity. You build the habit.

So next time life feels like a bit much, notice your self-talk. Get curious, not critical. And ask: “Is this thought helping me get where I want to go?”

Activation:

Journal page for your own awareness of your choices.

And if you need a little inspiration, check out the class lesson on optimism and learn how the world class runner Wilma Rudolph and WWII Admiral Chester W. Nimitz applied optimism in extremely challenging moments. Lesson including handouts for young and mature learners are available in the COACH Collective. AND, a special opportunity for reading all the way to the bottom, use the code SUMMERTIME for a free COACH Collective Membership for this summer!

So go ahead—dust off that half-empty glass. Maybe it’s just waiting to be filled.

Classroom Presentation (& Handouts)

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Next Month:

We will explore why the COACH is helpful for anxiety, anger, and anytime you are feeling stuck emotionally.