COACH: Not Just for Kids
Reflection
In education, we’re trained to move fast — see it, fix it, move on. But what happens when our own nervous system is the thing getting hooked? COACH was created during a season when I needed relief myself — not a new behavior system, but a way to regulate me first. In this post, I share the heart behind the framework, the story of the little branch shaped by the waves of Lake Michigan, the 3-part YouTube series, and free classroom lessons you can use right away. If you’ve ever walked away from a moment wishing you’d handled it differently, this is for you.
What We Are Exploring This Month
COACH: Not Just for Kids
In the fast paced world of education, my mode was:
See it.
Fix it.
Move on.
And that worked for me, until it didn’t. Inside my nervous system was losing control.
What I didn’t understand then is this: when we feel hooked by behavior — eye rolls, defiance, shutdown, chaos — our thinking brain goes offline. We label. We react. We tighten. And we call it “managing.”
That wasn’t about my worth, or about my abilities as an educator.
That was my nervous system overwhelmed.
COACH was shaped during a time when I needed relief myself.
It began the day I understood that pausing wasn’t giving up — it was beginning again.
It was self-regulation.
Not regulating students.
Regulating myself.
What COACH Really Is
COACH is not a behavior program.
It’s not a script.
It’s not about controlling children.
It’s an acronym for regulating ourselves in the moment — so we can actually access the skills we already have.
C – Catch when you’re emotionally hooked.
O – Observe your body and your self-talk.
A – Allow the feeling to exist without immediately fixing it.
C – See your Choices once your thinking brain comes back online.
H – Heart. Offer yourself kindness instead of criticism.
That last step? It changes everything.
Because shame never regulated anyone. Not a child. Not an adult.
It’s for Adults as Much as for Kids
COACH works in the middle of a math lesson.
It works when a child refuses to clean up.
It works when a staff meeting gets tense.
It works when you’re driving home replaying something you wish you’d handled differently.
COACH is for the child melting down —
and the adult who feels their jaw clench in response.
It’s for all of us.
The Story Behind the Story
Eventually, I turned COACH into a children’s book.
It’s the story of a little branch battling the powerful waves and shifting sands of Lake Michigan, desperate to reach the shore. The more he fights, the more exhausted he becomes. It isn’t until he stops fighting every wave that he begins to understand what he’s becoming.
The waves weren’t ruining him.
They were shaping him.
That story isn’t really about driftwood.
It’s about us.
The YouTube Series Is Live & linked below:
Video One: A clear explanation of the COACH concept — what’s happening in the brain and why pausing works.
Video Two: A full reading of COACH — the story of the little branch and the waves of Lake Michigan.
Video Three: How educators and youth staff can use COACH for themselves — in real time, in real moments.
This isn’t theory. It’s practice. And more practice. I don’t have it down — I just return to it.
I once thought pushing through was a measure of my determination to help.
Now I realize the power in:
Pause.
Breathe.
Choose again.
If you’d like the full lesson overview, classroom slides, or handout, they’re available below. And if you watch the videos, I’d truly love to hear what resonates.
Because the truth is —
we are all in the waves.
And we can all learn to COACH ourselves to shore.
Activation: Check out the YouTube, Check out the book COACH
The Gathering Tree will offer a monthly journal based on research, designed to help us better understand our emotions and provide practical, real-world tools for ourselves and those we care about. Respond to the journal, share your insights, and absorb the nourishing support of others.
Meet others from around the globe & invite your others who may appreciate a rooted community.